In today’s sexually-open society, to hear that someone is still a virgin after a certain age can be shocking and can bring a lot of judgement and assumption.  Because of Hollywood and the media, losing one’s virginity is a rite of passage that must be done before a certain age in order to achieve a desired social status.  Many people try to be out of their cherry pants by the age of 18.  By 19 the sideways glances and whispers start, and if you make it to 20 as a virgin, you are seen as an unfortunate person who is missing out on something huge.

Believe it or not, there are a large number of people who make a conscious decision to keep their virginity.  Some are saving it for love and others are saving it for marriage.  This decision comes from religious and moral views, but there has also been some evidence to suggest that the decision to preserve one’s virginity might be a backlash against society’s views on sex.  There seems to be a feeling that our society is starting to view sex in a way that is too casual and void of intimacy.  For some people, that kind of sex life is unacceptable.

On the other side of the fence are the reluctant virgins.  These are people who ran out of the gates looking to lose their virginity before it became inappropriate to still be cherry.  For whatever reason, these poor people were unable to pop their cherry before the age of 20.  I feel so sorry for these people because of the humiliation and stress that they feel.  To them, sex is this enormous and unattainable prize that is just beyond their reach.  We are unable to explain to these people that sex isn’t nearly as big as they are thinking because we are more experienced and are able to approach sex with a more relaxed mentality.  I, myself, am unqualified to give any advice.  When I was a teenager, I quickly got that “first one” out of the way so that I wouldn’t have to think about virginity anymore.  There was a very “get it over with” mentality with me that lacked any sort of romance or intimacy.

Now that I’m older and I’ve had a few years to really experience an adult sex life (not the awkward teenage sex we all try to forget), my feeling is that these reluctant virgins need to stop stressing about it.  There’s no reason to feel embarrassed, and by feeling ashamed, you are only putting more pressure on yourself thus making any sexual encounter completely joyless.  Sex is at its best in a relaxed environment.  Also, you must remember that by losing your virginity, you are trading one small complication for a whole set of complications.

Sex is a very healthy thing that should be enjoyed by all.  For those who choose to abstain until their first time is special, perhaps they are choosing a higher quality of intimacy and a higher quality sexual experience altogether.  For those who are still virgins and believe that they are in a torturous limbo, RELAX.  Obsessing and stressing about losing your virginity completely ruins any experiences you might have with sex.  Not only are you NOT weird (no matter what other people say…they are a-holes) you are also very NOT alone.  It will happen someday.  Everybody gets their turn.

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