Check, Please!

I find that there are two schools of thought regarding who should pay for dates. Some women feel that the man should always pay for dates, and some people feel it is more fair to go dutch. I have a very clear opinion on this subject.

Guys, if you don’t want to be thought of as a cheap-o, you should always pay for the first date. You should insist upon it. Ladies, it is always a nice gesture to pull out your wallet and offer to pay for the first date, even if you have no intention of doing so. It’s more like a courtesy offer. In all my dating life, I have only had one man take me up on the first date courtesy offer. He was a traveling vacuum salesman and he took me to Taco Del Mar. We just had the one date. Enough said. If you do the courtesy offer, and he takes you up on it, well, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Now, on the second date, the woman should pay. She should be resolute about it. Even if the man tries to insist that he pay. If necessary, you might have to have a little fight over the bill. You know, the way our moms do when they go out for lunch with their friends. This is 2008. Women can vote now. We have careers, credit card bills, car payments, and our own homes. We don’t need to depend on men to pay for everything, nor should they have to. I’m not saying that you need to obsess about equality and switching off. He might treat you to two dinners and you treat him to one. The following month, maybe you’ll pay for more things than he does. The point is to have a healthy balance, so that you are equal partners and that one of you doesn’t go bankrupt in the process.

My brother has a particularly horrid ex-girlfriend who he dated for three years. They lived together for most of that time. They both had full time jobs, and for parts of their relationship, she made more money than he did. After they broke up, he told me that he had paid for every single date. Every single dinner. For 3 years. And they used to go out for dinner 3-4 times per week. I did the math, and that’s about twenty-two thousand dollars my brother spent on dinners in three years. Guys, if you do all the paying in the beginning of a relationship, you’re going to set a precedent that will remain throughout your entire relationship.

Remember the line in When Harry Met Sally? Harry says “You take someone to the airport, its clearly the beginning of the relationship. That’s why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship. Because eventually things move on and you don’t take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?”

Well, paying for dates is the same. Eventually, you’re going to get tired of paying for all the dates, and if you bring it up, your girlfriend is going to deduce from that conversation that you don’t love her as much as you used to. Trust me. I’m a woman. I know these things.

Gentlemen, do yourself a favor, for me. If you’re dating one of those women who wants to be treated like a queen, and for some reason doesn’t think she should ever have to pay for anything just because she has boobs and a nice butt—RUN. Run away fast. Find yourself a woman who will treat you like an equal. We don’t have princesses here in America. The closest thing we have is Paris Hilton, and she doesn’t really count.

Yes, it’s very chivalrous of you to offer. We appreciate it. But we don’t need it. And most of us wouldn’t take you up on it. Sure, there are those girls who would take advantage of you if you let them. These girls drive nice cars that their parent’s bought them, with glittery bumper stickers that say “I’m a Princess, That’s Why.” They carry around designer dogs in designer purses and wear designer clothes. And they expect you to pay for their dinner. Always.

My fiancé and I are total equals in this regard. It’s actually very fun to come home and surprise my honey with “Lets go out for dinner tonight—my treat.” And it’s nice when he surprises me in the same way. As women, if we want to be treated like equals, we should act like it. And that includes paying for the occasional movie date, or dinner at The Olive Garden.

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