Lovers or Cheaters?

I think that cheaters as a whole get a bad rap. It really bothers me when people are judgmental towards people who are caught cheating. Now don’t get me wrong, some cheaters are very dishonest and nefarious characters. It’s just unfair to assume that someone who cheats is a bad person. I’ve found in my life that nobody knows the inner workings of a relationship besides the two people involved in that relationship. Can you judgmental people say with confidence that the offended party wasn’t just a cold fish and the cheater was just looking for some warm skin to snuggle? Can you honestly say that if you were in the very same relationship confronted with the very same circumstances that you would react like the righteous person you think you are?

I’m not saying that cheating is a good thing. It’s a betrayal and people who are cheated on never really fully recover. I’m married. I am a faithful spouse and I know that my husband is faithful to me. I live a secure and happy life because of it. So does my husband. When he goes on an overnight business trip, he knows that I am the only person in our bed. He knows that his hands only are able to touch my skin and that I am intimate only with him. Before my husband, I was not always like this. Some people might consider me a bad guy. I liked guys that were claimed by other girls. That’s right, I was the “other woman”.

I liked messing around with guys that were taken. Their girlfriend’s got all of their bullshit, and I got to have fun with them. Two of these guys became a little long-term. One of them was a genuine bad guy who would have cheated on his soul mate and the other guy was in a relationship that left him wanting for a lot more and I was there to give it to him. I was never found out in either relationship, and both of them ended badly. Let me tell you about them.

The bad guy had a silver tongue. He could talk you into anything and I have to say that he genuinely made me feel beautiful and irresistible. He had a serious girlfriend who I really didn’t know. I had no reason to not like her. I wasn’t with him to get some sort of revenge on her, it just kind of happened. I wasn’t a predator looking to steal her man. I was lonely and he could smell it on me and wanted to take advantage of my vulnerability. I let him. I don’t regret it, not even now. We had a secret two year fling and I had a lot of good times with him. It ended when it became apparent that I meant absolutely nothing to him and was one of many side projects in his life. He was your typical bad-guy-cheater. He had no real reason to cheat on his girlfriend. She was pretty, she was affectionate, and she adored him. He was just a dog.

Guy #2 was a good guy. We were good friends. There was always an attraction between us, but he had a serious girlfriend so I left it alone. His girlfriend had problems. She had some addiction problems and she tended to be a little cruel to him and would go months at a time without having sex with him. He didn’t come to me seeking an affair. He came to me seeking someone to talk to. I didn’t go into it looking to hook him, I was trying to be there for my friend. It just happened and it was so good, so right. I fell hard for this guy. I admit, I wanted him to myself. I would have done anything for him. The reason why it ended with Guy #2 is because he was a good guy to the end. He felt obligated to do right by his serious girlfriend and he proposed to her. I didn’t make a stink. I went quietly and told him that I wanted him to be happy. Maybe he didn’t have the same feelings I had for him. I’ll never know.

Just please don’t judge cheaters. You don’t know their situation. We’re all human and make mistakes. Another point I’d like to make really quick is for those of you who might be cheated on. You have absolutely NO reason to be angry with the person your partner is cheating with. You don’t know what this person is being told. They might be getting some sad story about their situation, or they may not even know that your partner has a relationship besides the one they have. The person you need to be mad at is your partner. They are the ones betraying your trust and doing a dishonest thing. Now unless the other lover is a relative or good friend, you have no reason to confront them. Your confrontation needs to be aimed at the person who is directly injuring you.

Again, let’s just try to be a bit more understanding of the human heart. Things happen that people don’t necessarily mean to happen. Mistakes are made and weaknesses are brought to the foreground. Cheating isn’t always the horrible evil plot they are made out to be. Sometimes it’s a moment of weakness. Sometimes it’s bad, but you never know.

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